Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Mood = Blah



I'm so sick of not being able to work

I'm trying not to complaining, I never thought I would say that I wanted to work but I really miss it.

I miss contact with people,
I miss having a bigger purpose to my day then "making dinner"

but if I'm honest, mostly I miss the money.

Kyle and I are on a one income budget and people have given me advice from "work illegally" to "well when you start working Kyle can stay at home for a while"

are you kidding me? seriously!

1. I cant work illegally, I'm a law abiding person and if I was to be found out my chance to be with Kyle would be O.V.E.R!!!!! If your happy to work under the table then good for you, but don't foist your lax morals onto me!

2. I'm not working because its oh so fun to stay home all day, I'm not working because I'm not allowed to! If Kyle was immigrating to NZ I would be the one bringing home the bacon and I certainly wouldn't expect a holiday after Kyle was allowed to work. This isn't my choice, Kyle is not my sugar Daddy and my entire savings were placed into our joint account the very day I got back to Canada to pay some overdue bills.

Sorry for the whingy post, but I never wanted to be a stay at home girlfriend now, or a stay at home wife, or mother in future! Ive been working and financially independent since I was FOURTEEN!!!!! I don't have anything wrong with people who do, but its my choice not to be.

Its amazing how many people think that this was some sort of plot of mine to lay in bed every morning.... I had one person say and I quote "well when you start working are you going to give Kyle time off from working for the both of you"?....
that person just about got a right good slapping!

I'm in this situation because I'm immigrating here not because I woke up one morning and said "okay Kyle I'm not working anymore mwahahaha" I'm not working because it would be illegal!

At this stage I would even work at maccas if it meant I could have a job and a pay cheque! I had a job within a month of coming back from Canada (BOTH times) and a job placement 2 weeks after I landed in London, I'm a worker, I'm a good hard worker. The only time I haven't worked is when I have saved and traveled and even then most of those were WORKING holidays!

Kyle and I can pay our bills, but there's not a lot left over for fun and that's fine but frustrating.
I don't understand why the Canadian government wont let me work, I would pay tax, I would pay into the pension plan, I would pay into EI (employment insurance) both of which I can actually use! Kyle and I would have more income to put back into the economy.... its a win win situation.

I also hate that I'm stuck here until someone else in a government office says I can leave... that royally sucks the big kumera!

I know I'm coming off ranty, and I don't want to seem ungrateful to my friends who have stepped up to the plate because you guys know who you are and your AWESOME! I have just never done well when I haven't had control of my life, when I can stay or go, what I can spend on what. It really busts my guts to know some suit is going to rule my relationship to Kyle valid or not based on a serious of impersonal questions.

I'm not idle, I actually work all day long. I make sure I'm up when Kyle is so we can have breakfast together,and those of you who know me well know that I am not a morning person in any sense of the word. 7am should be outlawed as far as I'm concerned, anything earlier than that just does not exist!

I also make sure the apartment is clean and tidy (something we have struggled with before because we both worked so much before now). Kyle and I have amassed an amazing amount of stuff over the years and have never had a chance to have a good clean out. I have thrown out 18 bags of old paperwork, clothes with holes, broken items and just general junk. I also have 4 rubbish sacks ready for the sallies (pillows, magazines, kitchen stuff etc). Our paperwork is now all filled and tidy, our apartment is in good order and we have kicked our fast food habit almost completely because I have been cooking heaps!

I am bored though, extremely bored. Going insane bored, watering my shoes in the closet bored.

People here have been very good, offering to have coffee or take me out to go window shopping. But Kyle and I simply don't have money in our budget to buy more "stuff" and that drives me crazy. Not that Ive ever been big on buying "stuff" anyway but having the option to buy new sneakers when my old ones wear out or a new DVD or whatever was nice. Going shopping would drive me even more nuts... I don't want to look at a store full of stuff I don't want or need and cant afford to buy anyway!

I know the situation is temporary, it should only last another 16 weeks and by then my daily workouts should really be showing some results, and hopefully if Kyle gets the new job hes applying for our income will increase slightly. Once I am working both my boredom and financial frustrations will be erased almost overnight, but until then bare with me. I struggle with asking for help, I struggle even more with having to rely on someone else for money.

I'm doing my best... rant over.


1 comment:

Kyle said...

We're getting there CJ. Not much longer now. hell, by sunday our situation should be alittle better if we get our stuff out of storage. and as soon as the bank stuff is dealt with, things will be much better again. We're at the bottom, time for things to get better.